Friday, February 23, 2024

Thursday and Friday on the Hill: Unveiling the Capitol's Charms

 Alright, buckle up! I've got the inside scoop on my escapades up on the Hill this past Thursday and Friday. Let's just say, it was a whirlwind of intellect, charm, and a hint of cheekiness.

Thursday kicked off with a casual lunch date with a lovely, smart, young research assistant from Senator Moodie's office. We dished about potential grad school paths for me, she had some great ideas and insights I had never considered!



After our brain-flexing session, I decided to take the scenic route back to my hotel. Because it was finally a warm day and why rush when you can soak up the sunshine and the scenic views, am I right?

Now, fast forward to Friday, and it was like stepping into a high-stakes spy movie. I got to navigate through a labyrinth of security checks, which made me giggle like and idiot, but a cute idiot. But once I made it through into Justice building, where Minister Diab' is nestled.




Meeting Minister Diab's squad was like stumbling upon a treasure trove of wit and wisdom. Isabell, the intern dynamo, had enough pep in her step to power a small city. She was so sweet and kind I fully pan to take her out for lunch the next time she is in town with the Minister.  And then there's Conor Noseworthy, the Minister's right-hand man, whose wit was as sharp as a tack. His warmth, humor, and expertise left a lasting impression. Conor graciously took the time to share insights into his role, the Minister's responsibilities, and much more, making my day immensely fulfilling.

It gets better! Minister Diab herself took a break from her Halifax hustle to hop on a Zoom call with me. She was the epitome of cool and graciousness, leaving me feeling like I had been seen. 

After lunch, Conor whisked me away on a tour of the premise. It was like stepping into a history book.  The highlight of the tour was a stop in the Room of Remembrance. We were the only ones there so the office on duty talked to me for a long time and I was very moved.



In a nutshell, my time on the Hill with Conor and the crew from Minister Diab's office was like a shot of inspiration straight to the soul. They've lit a fire under me, and I can't wait to see where this wild ride takes me next!

A Raw Reflection: Riding the Rollercoaster of Mental Health

Hey everyone,

So, I wanted to drop a line and explain why I've been MIA on the blog lately.  

Let's just say, mental health doesn't take vacations. Despite some amazing moments, I found myself wrestling with personal demons, exhaustion, and to top it off, some lovely menopausal surprises. It all came crashing down on Wednesday. I'm talking ugly crying, snot everywhere – the works.

Thursday morning? I didn't want to face the world. The temptation to fake sick and hide under the covers was strong, but somehow I dragged myself out of bed and stumbled through the day. Sure, I put on a brave face during my meeting, but the moment I was alone, it was like a dam burst.

I spent nights in my hotel room, tears soaking the pillow, feeling like I was drowning in darkness. It's a scary place to be, when you can't trust your own mind with your safety.

As much as I wanted to reach out for help, it felt impossible. The words stuck in my throat, and my fingers refused to type the messages I so desperately needed to send.

To those who love me, who might be reading this, I'm sorry for shutting you out. Depression and anxiety have a way of making you feel like a burden, even to those closest to you.

So, I soldiered on. One foot in front of the other, forcing myself out of bed each morning with promises of Starbucks as motivation. And you know what? I nailed it in my meetings. Put on a show that would make Broadway proud. But the moment I was alone again, the facade crumbled.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, mental health is messy. It's not all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes, it's crying in a hotel room while everyone else thinks you're living your best life.

But hey, I'm still here. Still fighting. And I'm grateful for every single one of you who's stuck by me, even when I couldn't find the words to ask for help.



Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Ottawa Day 5: Soaking in Canadian Culture as a Mature Political Studies/Women's Studies Student

Today was a whirlwind, packed with adventures that left me feeling both exhilarated and reflective. I kicked off the day with a hearty breakfast in my room because I knew I needed all the fuel I could get for the day ahead.

First stop: the Canadian Museum of History in Gatineau. Let me tell you, it was a blast! I spent a good four hours there, soaking in all the exhibits and letting my inner child run wild in the Children's Museum. As a political science and women's studies student, I couldn't help but view everything through that lens. My camera roll is basically a visual diary of my passions!




Back at the hotel, reality hit as I dove into some school work. The strike back home is still looming over everything, but I'm trying to stay hopeful. A quick catch-up with loved ones back home lifted my spirits, though.

Now, let's talk about dinner. Dunn's was the spot, and boy, did they deliver! That sandwich was like a masterpiece between two slices of bread. I'm pretty sure it was better than anything I could've imagined. And that's saying something!


After filling up on Canadian goodness, I took a leisurely stroll through the Byward Market. The lights were mesmerizing, and the vibe was just so chill. And guess what? I finally got my hands on a Beavertail! Fresh out of the oven, it was like a warm hug on a chilly night. Totally worth it.


But the highlight of the evening? Parliament Hill. Standing there, surrounded by history and power, I couldn't help but be overcome with emotion. As a 49-year-old student who's fought tooth and nail to be where I am, it was a moment of overwhelming gratitude and pride.


As I drift off to sleep, I'm filled with anticipation for what tomorrow will bring. Being a mature student has its challenges, but moments like these make it all worthwhile. Here's to another day of adventures and growth!









Monday, February 19, 2024

Ottawa Day Four - Exploring Ottawa's Charms Solo Style

Waking up today felt like a fresh start, no lingering headache, just pure excitement to dive back into Ottawa's wonders. But first things first, I learned my lesson from yesterday's chilly escapades. So, armed with layers upon layers of winter gear, I was ready to take on whatever the weather threw my way.



My feet led me to the Canadian Museum of War, where I figured I might find a bit more peace and quiet amidst the Family Day holiday frenzy. And I was right! Before diving into the museum's exhibits, I made a stop at the Holocaust Memorial, a sobering reminder of the resilience of those who've faced unimaginable hardships. As a Bronfman scholarship recipient, it felt like the right thing to do – paying respects to those who've paved the way for us.



Stepping inside the museum, I was immediately struck by its sheer grandeur. It's one of those places that makes you feel small in the grand scheme of things. The exhibits were fascinating, no doubt, but as I delved deeper, a wave of sadness crept in. It's hard not to feel the weight of history when surrounded by reminders of war's toll on humanity.



Eager for a change of scenery, I headed back to my hotel for a quick outfit change – gotta stay comfortable for all the walking ahead. And note to self: sunglasses are not just for style; they're a necessity in this winter wonderland.


With a renewed sense of adventure, I set out for landmarks like the Supreme Court and Parliament Hill. The cold nipped at my cheeks, but the beauty of Ottawa's architecture warmed my soul. It's funny how a city can evoke such a mix of emotions – pride in its history, frustration at its flaws, but always a deep sense of admiration.



To thaw out a bit, I popped into Rideau Centre for some much-needed retail therapy. Who knew finding utensils for takeout would be such an adventure? But hey, at least I scored some adorable My Melody travel utensils along the way.

As the day wound down, I found myself in Byward Market, cozied up in a coffee shop with a good book. It was a moment of pure bliss – just me, my thoughts, and the aroma of freshly brewed coffee.


And to cap off the day, I rendezvoused with my sister and sister-in-law for dinner. There's something special about sharing laughs and stories with loved ones, especially after a day filled with solo exploration.


As I snuggled into bed, I couldn't help but smile at the day's adventures. I am feeling SO blessed for this experience!

Sunday, February 18, 2024

Ottawa Day Three - Beauty, Headaches, and Fire Alarms

Today's blog post might be a bit shorter than usual, but it's been quite the rollercoaster of a day. It all started with me waking up in what felt like a snow globe. The scene outside my window was breathtakingly beautiful; the world blanketed in pristine white snow, everything quiet and serene. It was the kind of winter wonderland you see in postcards.




However, as the day progressed, a relentless headache crept into my brain, threatening to derail all my plans. I tried to shake it off, hoping it would dissipate on its own, but it stubbornly persisted.




In an attempt to find relief, I decided to take a nap, hoping some rest would alleviate the pain. But my efforts were interrupted rudely when the fire alarm suddenly blared throughout the hotel, jolting me awake. Disoriented and still groggy from sleep, I stumbled out of bed along with the other guests, following the evacuation procedure.



Thankfully, it turned out to be a false alarm, but the disruption only served to exacerbate my pounding headache. Once we were all allowed back inside, I didn't have the energy or the will to salvage the rest of the day. Instead, I retreated to the comfort of my bed, seeking solace in the quiet darkness of my room.



Sometimes, even the most picturesque of days can be marred by unexpected challenges. Today was a reminder that life doesn't always go according to plan, and it's okay to acknowledge when things aren't going your way. Sometimes, the best course of action is to simply surrender to the circumstances and call it a day. Tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully, a headache-free one at that.

Saturday, February 17, 2024

Ottawa Day Two - Exploring Winterlude!

The second day of my Ottawa adventure a last-minute change of plans granting me the rare luxury of lingering in bed. Without the usual early morning wake-up call from my adorable dog nudging me out for a freezing 7 am pee, I relished the chance to sleep in as long as I wanted.

Emerging from my cozy retreat, I set out in search of sustenance, my footsteps guiding me to the inviting ambiance of Grounded Kitchen. There, amidst the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the chatter of fellow patrons, I found myself engaged in lively conversation with the amiable servers. Sipping on a steaming cup of apple cider and savoring a hearty breakfast, I felt nourished not only by the food but by the genuine hospitality of the establishment.









Buoyed by my meal, I embarked on a leisurely stroll towards Byward Market, allowing myself to be swept away by the city's charm. En route, I encountered a myriad of sights—the elegant facades of historic buildings juxtaposed against the crisp winter sky, the cheerful bustle of locals and tourists alike, and the occasional flurry of snow dancing in the air.




Arriving at Byward Market, I found myself in need of a brief respite to recharge both body and phone. Seizing the opportunity to warm up in a cozy café, I settled into a comfortable corner and watched the world go by as my phone regained its vitality. Through the window, I glimpsed the Winterlude festivities unfolding outside—an enticing invitation to explore further.



With renewed energy, I ventured back into the heart of the market, taking in its vibrant atmosphere. From artisanal crafts to gourmet delicacies, the market offered a sensory feast at every turn, each stall and storefront beckoning with its own unique allure.



Returning to the hotel, I took a moment to thaw out and reflect on the day's discoveries. The chilly Ottawa weather had taught me valuable lessons about the art of layering and the importance of staying warm amidst the winter chill!

In need of a mid-afternoon reprieve, I indulged in a rare nap—a luxurious interlude that left me feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. 

Later, I hailed an Uber to return to the Byward area, where I dined at an old favorite haunt, now a nostalgic rarity back home. Taking a seat at the bar, I immersed myself in the hockey game on TV and struck up conversation with the lively bartender, whose youthful energy and humor reminded me of my son.


Sated with good food and good company, I ventured out once more to explore the enchanting Winterlude festivities that illuminated the evening sky. Amidst the twinkling lights and spirited performances, I found myself entranced by the magic of the moment, each scene more captivating than the last.



Now, nestled in my cozy bed with a smile stretching across my face, I reflect on the day's adventures with gratitude and joy. Despite the cold temperatures, Ottawa has warmed my heart with its charm and hospitality, making each moment of this journey unforgettable.

Friday, February 16, 2024

Ottawa Day One - Travel

Today kicked off my grand adventure, and let me tell you, the excitement had me up way earlier than I'd planned. I mean, who needs an alarm when you're buzzing with anticipation, right? So, midmorning it was, no crack of dawn for me, thank you very much. But guess what made the morning even sweeter? My husband and son both coming to the airport to send me off. Talk about a heartwarming start!


The journey itself was surprisingly smooth, a rarity in my experience of travel. For once, anxiety took a backseat, allowing me to surrender to the rhythm of the flight with ease. With music as my companion, I found solace in the simplicity of breathing and being present, a welcome respite from the usual turbulence of my mind.



Touching down in Ottawa felt like déjà vu, weather-wise. I swear, it was like Halifax followed me here! And then there's my sister, Lynda, swooping in to rescue me from airport chaos. Bless her heart. We grabbed a bite, hit up a grocery store for some essentials, and then, settling into my downtown hotel After a minor bureaucratic hiccup, which seems almost inevitable during travels.

After that, I took a leisurely stroll around downtown, just soaking in the sights and stumbling upon a cool comic bookshop. Talk about a happy accident!



 

But by evening, I was beat. So, I ordered in some top-notch takeout and cozied up in bed, dreaming about all the adventures waiting for me.

https://renegadechicken.ca/


Now, as I drift off to sleep, I can't help but feel grateful for the day's little joys. One moment, you're in the midst of chaos, and the next, you're wrapped up in a cozy hotel bed, feeling like the luckiest person in the world. Bring on tomorrow—I'm ready for whatever it throws my way.

Stanley is VERY excited to be on adventure again!


Thursday, February 15, 2024

Exploring the Legacy of Charles and Andrea Bronfman: Names Behind the Scholarship

Through the support of the Bronfman family, this scholarship represents a beacon of opportunity for students interested in Canadian Studies and Political Science. This prestigious award not only covers partial course tuition but also fully funds travel expenses for a one-week immersive experience in Ottawa. It is meticulously crafted to foster a deep understanding of Canada among recipients, both physically and academically. At its core, the Bronfman Award aims to promote an enriched understanding of Canada by providing students with a firsthand experience of Canadian life. This unique opportunity allows recipients to delve into the cultural, political, and societal fabric of Canada, thus broadening their perspectives and knowledge base.

The Bronfman family stands at the intersection of business acumen and philanthropic vision. Central to this legacy is Charles Bronfman, a titan of industry whose entrepreneurial spirit propelled him to the forefront of the business world. Alongside his brother, Edgar, Charles played a pivotal role in shaping the global landscape of commerce as co-chairman of the Seagram Company.



However, the Bronfman name also evokes a profound commitment to social responsibility and community enrichment. Rooted in a deep-seated belief in the power of education and cultural exchange, the Bronfman family has left an indelible mark on countless lives through their philanthropic endeavors.

Andrea Bronfman, wife and partner of Charles, brought her own unique perspective and passion to their shared philanthropic endeavors, enriching their legacy with her unwavering dedication to social causes and community enrichment. Andrea Bronfman's philanthropic journey is characterized by a deep-seated commitment to fostering positive change and empowering individuals from all walks of life. Alongside Charles, she played a pivotal role in establishing and guiding the Andrea and Charles Bronfman Philanthropies, a foundation dedicated to addressing a wide array of social issues and promoting cultural understanding.



At the heart of Andrea's philanthropic vision lies a profound belief in the transformative power of education. Throughout her career, she has been a staunch advocate for educational initiatives aimed at providing individuals with access to quality learning opportunities, regardless of their background or circumstances. From supporting initiatives in early childhood education to promoting lifelong learning, Andrea's impact in this sphere has been truly profound. In addition to her focus on education, Andrea Bronfman has been a tireless advocate for fostering dialogue and understanding across cultural and religious divides. Through initiatives aimed at promoting interfaith dialogue and cooperation, she has worked tirelessly to build bridges between communities and promote a greater sense of mutual respect and appreciation.

Driven by a shared ethos of giving back, The Bronfman family have established numerous charitable foundations aimed at addressing pressing social issues and promoting cultural understanding. Among these, the Andrea and Charles Bronfman Philanthropies stand as a testament to their unwavering dedication to causes ranging from Jewish education to interfaith dialogue.

The philanthropic endeavors of Charles and Andrea Bronfman, both individually and through their foundation, the Andrea and Charles Bronfman Philanthropies (ACBP), cover a wide range of social issues and initiatives. 

  • Jewish Education and Identity:  The Bronfman family has a deep commitment to Jewish causes, particularly in the realm of education and identity. They have supported numerous initiatives aimed at strengthening Jewish education, fostering Jewish identity among young people, and promoting a deeper understanding of Jewish history and culture.


  • Interfaith Dialogue and Cooperation: Andrea and Charles Bronfman have been strong advocates for interfaith dialogue and cooperation, recognizing the importance of building bridges between different religious and cultural communities. Through their philanthropy, they have supported initiatives that promote mutual understanding, respect, and cooperation among people of diverse faith backgrounds.


  • Youth Empowerment: The Bronfman family has a strong belief in the potential of young people to effect positive change in the world. They have supported a variety of youth empowerment initiatives, including programs aimed at fostering leadership skills, promoting social responsibility, and providing opportunities for personal and professional development.


  • Arts and Culture: Andrea and Charles Bronfman have been patrons of the arts, supporting initiatives that promote access to arts and cultural experiences for people of all backgrounds. They have provided funding for cultural institutions, arts education programs, and initiatives aimed at preserving and promoting cultural heritage.


  • Health and Wellness: The Bronfman family has also supported initiatives aimed at improving health and wellness outcomes for individuals and communities. They have funded research and programs in areas such as mental health, healthcare access, and wellness promotion.


  • Environmental Conservation: Recognizing the importance of environmental conservation and sustainability, the Bronfman family has supported initiatives aimed at protecting natural resources, promoting environmental stewardship, and addressing climate change.


These are just a few examples of the many philanthropic endeavors undertaken by Charles and Andrea Bronfman and their foundation. Their commitment to making a positive impact on society has left a lasting legacy, touching the lives of countless individuals and communities around the world.

Accepting this award feels like being handed a golden ticket to a world of possibility, guided by the compass of compassion and generosity that has long been the hallmark of the Bronfman family. Their dedication to causes close to my heart, from education to interfaith dialogue, fills me with a sense of camaraderie and shared purpose.

In the spirit of this award, I pledge to carry forward the Bronfman legacy with a skip in my step and a twinkle in my eye, embracing each opportunity to spread kindness and create positive change wherever life takes me. With their support and encouragement, I'm confident that together, we can sprinkle a little more sunshine into the world, one smile at a time.

So here's to the Bronfman family, whose passion and generosity light up the world like a constellation of twinkling stars. 


Wednesday, February 14, 2024

From Home to Ottawa: Navigating Pre-Departure Stress, Anxiety, and Excitement

 

So, I'm about to embark on this wild adventure to Ottawa, and let me tell you, the pre-departure jitters are real. But hey, why not turn these nerves into a comedic saga? Buckle up, folks, because we're diving into the rollercoaster of emotions that come with leaving home and heading off into the great unknown.

Let's start with the classic: fear of flying. Picture me, clutching onto the armrests for dear life, while silently praying to the aviation gods for a smooth ride. Usually, I have a trusty hand to hold onto during takeoff and turbulence, but this time, I'm flying solo. Who knows, maybe there'll be a cutie sitting next to me to distract me from the impending doom of mid-air bumps and jolts. Fingers crossed!



Now, let's talk about the elephant in the room: the faculty strike. Oh boy, talk about adding a twist to trip preparations! It's like trying to juggle flaming torches while riding a unicycle—exciting, but also a bit nerve-wracking. But hey, I've decided to embrace the chaos, roll with the punches, and maybe invest in a stress ball or two.it doesn't actually impact my trip in any tangible way. But hey, anxiety doesn't always play by the rules of logic, does it? It's like trying to solve a puzzle without all the pieces—frustrating, to say the least. The uncertainty of not knowing what's happening back home adds an extra layer of stress to the pre-departure chaos.


With that in mind I can't help but keep in mind I am representing my school and department. No pressure, right? On one hand, I'm usually bursting with school spirit. However, there's a nagging sense of cognitive dissonance lurking in the shadows, because of the aforementioned strike. There is  a weird conflict between wanting to showcase the best of what my institution has to offer and feeling a sense of loyalty to those who make it all possible., I'm embracing this cognitive dissonance as a reminder of the complexities of human experience. I may not have all the answers, but I'm committed to approaching this journey with an open heart and a willingness to learn and grow.

Amidst all the nerves and chaos, there's a spark of excitement in the air. The thrill of exploring a new city, meeting new people, and creating memories that will last a lifetime. It's like being handed the keys to a treasure chest full of adventures, and I am more than ready to unlock every single one. I just have to set some realistic expectations. Because let's face it, no trip goes off without a hitch. So, here's to embracing the unexpected, rolling with the punches, and laughing in the face of adversity. Ottawa, here I come—quirks, fears, and all!

Friday, February 9, 2024

Exploring Ottawa's Cultural Gems: A Vibrant Journey Awaits!

 

Hey there, friends and family! Can you feel the excitement buzzing in the air? Because I sure can! In just one week, I'll be embarking on my MUCH anticipated trip to the beautiful city of Ottawa, and let me tell you, the anticipation is real!

As I sit here, staring out the window, enjoying a cup of tea with my planner in hand (yes I still use a paper planner!), mapping out all the incredible cultural experiences that await me, I can't help but feel an electric surge of delight. From art galleries to museums, Ottawa is a treasure trove of experiences just waiting to be explored. And guess what? I'm diving headfirst into it all!

First up on my list of must-visit destinations is the Canadian Museum of History . With its fascinating exhibits showcasing the rich tapestry of Canada's past, I'm ready to immerse myself in a journey through time. From indigenous history to colonial legacies, every artifact promises to whisper a story worth listening to.



Next, I'll be making my way to the Ottawa Art Gallery, where creativity knows no bounds. Can you imagine being surrounded by a kaleidoscope of colors, shapes, and emotions? I can hardly contain my excitement! From contemporary masterpieces to avant-garde installations, this gallery promises to inspire me.



And of course the National Gallery of Canada is high on my list. Just the thought of standing in the presence of iconic works of art sends shivers down my spine. From Group of Seven landscapes to indigenous artistry, every stroke of the brush tells a tale of Canadian passion and perseverance. I'll be wandering through halls adorned with the creations of legends, letting their brilliance wash over. 

And you know what adds an extra layer of excitement to this adventure? The fact that I'll be experiencing it all on my own terms! That's right, folks, solo exploration mode: activated!  Don't get me wrong, sharing experiences with loved ones can be fantastic, but there's something uniquely liberating about setting off on a journey of discovery all by yourself. No compromises, no agenda but your own – just you and the boundless wonders that await.  This trip is about indulging my own curiosity and letting the adventure unfold organically.

Ottawa, prepare yourself, because this lone explorer is ready to paint the town red (or maybe just admire the art) in the most glorious, unapologetically solo fashion!

Saturday, February 3, 2024

Getting Ready to Explore Ottawa's Winterlude

As a chilly winter storm blows through my home city of Dartmouth, my mind is drifting to thoughts of Ottawa, which is currently transformed into a magical winter wonderland, ready to welcome visitors from around the globe to partake in its annual celebration known as Winterlude.

Winterlude is one of Canada's most cherished winter festivals, tracing its roots back to 1979 when it was established to celebrate Canada's unique northern climate and vibrant cultural heritage. Originally conceived as a showcase of ice sculptures and outdoor activities, Winterlude has since evolved into a multi-week extravaganza, drawing thousands of visitors each year. At its heart, I believe that this festival embodies the spirit of resilience and community, inviting participants to embrace the beauty of winter through a myriad of events and experiences.

For many, myself included (though I confess to being no fan of the cold), a visit to Ottawa during Winterlude won't be complete without experiencing the quintessential Canadian tradition of strolling along the historic Rideau Canal. While some may choose to glide gracefully on skates, my childhood dream has always been to leisurely walk along the frozen expanse, taking in the scenic beauty and lively atmosphere. I want to pull on my Ugg's and bundle up in layers of cozy clothes, while the crisp air fills my lungs, walking up glistening ice, marveling at the panoramic views of the cityscape adorned in a blanket of snow. (Hey, it's a healthy imagination!)

I have never been a big fan of being out  in the cold!

No visit to Ottawa will be complete without indulging in the delectable delight known as Beaver Tails. Beaver Tails are fried pastries stretched into the shape of a beaver's tail and generously topped with an array of sweet toppings; I, for one, am dreaming of the classic cinnamon sugar! I can't wait to sink my teeth into the warm, doughy goodness, a symphony of flavors dancing upon my taste buds, leaving me craving for more.


Before setting off on my frigid  adventure (much to my reluctance), it's essential to pack winter gear to ensure warmth and comfort amidst the brisk temperatures. From insulated jackets and cozy scarves to sturdy boots and thermal gloves, proper attire is key to fully embracing the frosty festivities. This meant finding a bag big enough to hold it all. Fortunately, my wonderful friend Mark had one for me, and it is SO large I am half convinced I might find another entrance to Narnia.

As I eagerly anticipate my upcoming trip to Ottawa, the allure of Winterlude beckons me with promises of enchantment and adventure and lots of hot chocolate.  And I have the additional excitement of sharing these adventures with my sister and sister-in-law, both Ottawa locals! Together, we'll brave the cold (though I'll probably complain the most) and dive headfirst into the festivities, creating memories that will warm our hearts long after the snow has melted.





Thursday and Friday on the Hill: Unveiling the Capitol's Charms

 Alright, buckle up! I've got the inside scoop on my escapades up on the Hill this past Thursday and Friday. Let's just say, it was ...